Looking for Joy.

I told my therapist that I don’t remember the last time I was genuinely excited about anything. I haven’t felt pure joy in recent memory. Everything is in shades of grey, shimmering cooly. There is no fire. I do not desire anything, maybe because I desire everything.

I wonder if this is it. Is this the life I want. Or is there something else, some wild beauty that is missing. Maybe I’m just tired and cranky and losing hope in the why.

So I’m making a list of possible things. Wild incredible things. And maybe a desire will ignite inside me again.

This is me trying.

Because this is the only way to change. To want. To ask. To be an unlocked house in a neighborhood of robbers. Palms open, arms extended. Voice unshaking. Broaden yourself like a target to say “Aim. Shoot. I am ready. I invite hope in. I know failure may follow.” -Clementine von Radics

To be vulnerable.
To be wild.
To be fearless.
To be everything
and nothing.

To love the darkness
because you trust light will come too.

Lean in.
You are worthy of hope.